Archive for February, 2010

Seven reason’s Valentine’s Day makes my toenails itch

Posted in Relationships with tags , , , , , , on February 13, 2010 by klysha

I’m sitting in my condo for the second time in a row with my weekend plans foiled by the snow. This time it wasn’t the DC snow that foiled my plans though. It was snow in of all places HOTlanta! Were it not for Atlanta’s inability to deal efficiently with two inches of snow. I’d be in route to the big easy and the port city* for some pre-Mardi Gras/post Saint’s Super Bowl win partying followed by recovering over beignets at Cafe Du Monde tomorrow morning. So needless to say I’m not a happy camper this afternoon. Just thought I’d put that out there before I start my post so no one is confused about why I’m not writing like my normal cheery self.

Anyway my original plan was to pretend that the day they call a holiday that happens to fall tomorrow doesn’t exist while enjoying Mardi Gras madness. (what better way is there to be oblivious to the existence of something than over a hurricane or three?)  But since I’m a tad surly today and this year unlike last year I won’t be whizzing down a ski slope in Colorado, I’ll go ahead and write about the  reasons Valentine’s Day makes my toenails itch.  Just to be clear, this doesn’t come from a place of bitterness about being single.  I actually wrote about my feelings on Valentines day years ago on my blog before I had a blog…also known as my now essentially defunct Myspace page. Of course I was single at that time too, but I don’t really like Valentine’s day even when I’m in a relationship and here are a few reasons why.

The vomit pink and red color scheme makes me nauseous

..like seriously…it’s really hard for me to look at the card aisle this time of year

Valentine’s day can put a lot of pressure on the not quite defined barely a step above a regular booty call relationships I’ve tended to be in around this time of year if I’m in any kind of relationship at all.

Nothing more awkward than trying to navigate the vast grey area between the happy valentines day phone call/e-card/text message stage and the romantic get-away to Costa Rica stage. (*sidenote* the couple behind me in line at the airport as my Mardi Gras plans were being systematically destroyed had just had their Valentine’s vacation to Costa Rica that they had been planning for a year cancelled. God always has a way of  putting things in perspective for me when I need it *end sidenote*)

The bevy of whack find a mate singles events this holiday usually spawns.

Okay maybe I shouldn’t hate on these too much. I’m all for any efforts to bring folks together in this crazy world. I’d try to catch one myself if I didn’t think it would be filled with guys with that “look at me I’m a loser and you must be one too cuz you’re here so I’ve definitely got a shot” look in their eyes.

Those mystery boxes of chocolate with no labels

Valentine’s day is always plagued with an abundance of random chocolates that often give no warning about the kind of miscellaneous goo hiding under that tempting chocolate shell. Until I wrote that sentence I never realized how similar those mystery chocolates are to men.

 

 

The pressure V-Day puts on clearly defined relationships.

The pressure is often even higher for people in well defined relationships to do something special for their mate on Valentine’s day. Usually the brunt of this pressure is carried by the men but, thoughtful female that I sometimes try to be, I’ve on a few occasions put in effort on this holiday. I think I did this in some kind of masochistic quest to show that women can make men feel special on this day too. If I recall correctly my Valentine’s Day efforts somehow bit me in the rear, possibly thwarting  future attempts of this kind.

You can’t get a reservation in a decent restaurant because the love birds have taken them all

and even if you could who wants to have to sit through dinner watching love birds be lovey dovey  all night

Dealing with the aftermath  when cupid misfires

From what I’ve seen Cupid must have gotten his target practice while riding in a car full of gang bangers doing a drive by. And occasionally Cupids errant shots result in gifts from suitors that you’re not feeling in the same way they’re feeling you. On three occasions I have received flowers from guys I wasn’t feeling.  I wasn’t unappreciative of the  gifts I got from these guys. I actually enjoyed the flowers (even though I’m not much of a flowers kind of girl) once I got past the thank you very much for the gift but we can never be talk. But I could have just as easily done without the flowers to avoid the awkwardness.

Now I said Valentine’s day makes my toenails itch. I didn’t say I totally hate it. I just don’t think it’s been all that cool of a holiday since the days of  exchanging valentines with a sucker stuck to them in elementary school. Despite the itchy toenails I actually do think it’s probably a good idea to have a day on the calendar to remind people not to take the people they love for granted.  I just wish this day wasn’t coated in so much syrup or wrapped in that awful pink and red package. Id probably be cool with having some kind of anti-sap celebration with my SO if I had one.  And who knows maybe when I’m truly in love it’ll come with a dose of whatever it takes to be able to stomach all the syrup. In the mean time I guess I’m stuck with waiting for the pink and red storm to pass.

*the Port City is Mobile AL, home of the first American Mardi Gras and also the town I was raised in.

Blizzard brain block

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2010 by klysha

I’m sitting in the house snowed in for the 5th day in a row so you’d think I’d be pumping out blog posts like nobody’s business. But the snow has turned me into the worst kind of slacker. I’m getting waaay too used to sitting around getting paid to do absolutely nothing …My expectations for how much I feel like should be expected to do for each dollar per hour I make is starting to go down at about the same rate that the number of inches of snow outside is increasing. As a matter of fact a couple more days of this and there’s a good chance* I’ll have the following conversation with my supervisor the next time I’m in the office:

Supervisor: Any chance you’ll get this project finished by the end of the week?

Me (while blowing my freshly polished fingernails dry): Excuse me but I looked at my last pay statement and I was still getting paid at the sit on my butt and do nothing rate. I’ll need to see at least 30% increase if you expect me to actually complete assignments

 Aside from the snowed in slackerism, I can’t really decide what I want to talk about. I’ve read about a lot of useless tomfoolery while I’ve been held hostage by the Snowtorious B.I.G., but I can’t seem to piece together a whole cohesive piece. 

Blog posts Ive considered writing today include the following:

When a rapping roach goes to jail: My deep thoughts and reflections

Things I’ve learned from reading Sarah Palins hand

John Mayers racist penis and you

10 reasons Valentine’s Day makes my toenails itch

But all I’ve actually managed to accomplish today is beating my high score on Bejeweled and making a bomb Welch’s grape juice snow cone.

Perhaps if I someone chooses one of the potential topics I’ll feel compelled to write a post, if not I’ll go back to browsing through Twitter posts and maybe give myself a much needed pedicure. I actually might write the Valentines day post if I can convince myself there’s a good reason not to pretend it doesn’t exist entirely.

*By good chance I mean not a chance in Hades…I still enjoy receiving my paycheck on schedule every two weeks

All this oversensitivity has got to stop

Posted in food, politics with tags , , , , , , , on February 8, 2010 by klysha

You’d think that now that Black is the new black, Black people would have gotten over all this sensitivity to black stereotypes. But alas even with a Black president, a Black Miss America, and the fact that Black people continue to set the standard of cool in the United States and therefore the world, political correctness and oversensitivity  to stereotypes continues to rear it’s ugly head. 

In honor of black history month the cafeteria at the NBC offices offered the special menu pictured below.

Aquafina?? What's Black about that???

Apperently people got offended at the stereotype being perpetuated by serving fried chicken in honor of Black history month, forcing the cafeteria to change the menu. To those people I say…seriously?? My only minor issue with this menu…other than the absence of sweet tea as a beverage choice…is that fried chicken is no more a black dish than green bean casserole is a white dish (okay maybe green bean casserole is white but my family insists on having it at Thanksgiving anyway). Most black people I know can’t even make good fried chicken. Of course most Black people I know are too bougie to prepare fried food in their house for fear they’ll never get the smell out of their precious fabrics, but that’s a side issue.  Fried chicken just happens to go well with collard greens, so does fried catfish. Maybe they would have gotten less flack if they would have tried to serve catfish. 

Anyway my point is, this is a stupid thing to get offended over. Had they have served chitterlings then maybe they’d have a real reason to get offended. You don’t see Asian people getting offended if they include rice on the menu for Asian Heritage appreciation month. They actually might get offended if you left the rice off.

I think this offense stems from  from a notion that anything widely associated with Black people is something to be ashamed of. Let’s just pretend for a moment that fried chicken actually was a “black” dish. Why should enjoying a dish that was prepared and perfected by your ancestors be a source of shame?? Hello, fried chicken is delicious! America loves fried chicken. It’s just wrong that if you’re Black and you happen to like a dish that’s as widely embraced as fried chicken that people try to make you feel like you’re setting your people back 100 years. So what if soul food is a throw back to slavery. If anybody should find any shame in that chapter in American history it’s white people. Isn’t  the public exploitation of white guilt supposed to be one of the perks of black history month??? (j/k…sort of)  If we were making real progress it would be okay to enjoy whatever the heck you like regardless of whether it feeds into a stereotype.

I’m so tired of Black people feeling the need to go out of their way to prove to white people that the stupid stereotypes aren’t true. Why do we still even care what they think of us? Do all Black people like soul food? Of course not. Do a lot of Black people like it? Absolutely! And I unashamedly am one of them. I have a pot of collard greens in the fridge right now  that I’m looking forward to eating later on.  I’d have fried chicken too if I knew how to consistently make it without it either coming out burnt or raw (and if I knew an easy way to get that fried grease smell out of the carpet*).

The woman who put together the menu at NBC defended her food choices saying she just wanted to prepare a menu that people would enjoy. I’m totally on the chef’s side in this. She prepared a menu that in her eyes gave honor to some of her ancestors, who happened to make food that was freaking delicious, and the blasted PC mongering TV types at NBC couldn’t even appreciate her efforts. This nonsense must stop!

*Oh snap! I just remembered that’s what Febreeze is for! I might try to get my fried chicken game up if I get snowed again in two days.