The dating minefield part I…Who should pay

I have been tragically remiss at updating my blog lately and to all who have been waiting with baited breath for my next entry I say breathe please! I really meant to post something but every time I sit down at the computer to type I wind up playing word games on the net. And to be perfectly honest it actually happened this time too. But I managed to type something between rounds.

At any rate today I want to touch on one of the many minefields in today’s world of dating.* In  a world where in a rapidly increasing number of cases women make more than the man they are dating who should pay for dates?

The old school had a simple solution to this conundrum**. The guy pays duh! But today it may not be so simple. It seemsempty a little unfair for the guy to always bear the burden of financing activities when both people make money and both people have bills, especially in these tough economic times. But some guys still take pride in being able to treat their woman on an outing. But what happens when there’s a big financial imbalance leaning in the females direction. Should all dates be things the guy can afford? Is it emasculating for the woman to have to pay for the guy to do things that are outside of the guys budget? Do guys get offended when the girl offers to pay on dates? Should everything just be split fifty fifty? Should girls just avoid all of this and date up? (This of course is unrealistic for a lot of black women who want to date black men since we’d all be fighting for the same 11 available successful guys…but that’s another post entirely)

I suppose the answers to these questions vary from person to person. But it seems like it would be easier if there was some standard etiquette that everyone could follow just to make the whole process simpler. 

 I personally don’t think that getting to know someone should have to be a bank breaking process for either party. So I’m all for splitting the costs, either by going dutch or taking turns treating each other.  But a lot of guys don’t like to let the girl pay, at least not at first. Which I think is fine of course since letting the guy pay gives me an early gauge of  some of their personality traits. Are they generous, a cheapskate, the type that tries to impress you with their spending, financially responsible etc. Of course early dates aren’t necessarily always good gauges of future behavior since we all know we meet the representative.***

I’d love to get some feedback on this since I am one of the most clueless people around when it comes to dating and relationships.****

If only they were this easy to spot

If only they were this easy to spot

 In the event that I don’t get any feedback I will make up my own list of rules. Maybe I’ll share them with the world in a future post.





*I think I might do a series on the dating minefield…but I might not…but in case I do this will be called part I

** Incidentally, somewhat against my will, I’m reading Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man.” I wanted to find out what the fuss was about. I’m only on chapter 2 and in this chapter is the following sentence:

Know this: It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exchange for your time.

Is the old school on to something here??? Perhaps my liberal approach to dating does more harm than good in that it doesn’t allow the man to fulfil his primal need to be the provider. Feedback on this would be helpful.  

***This is all pretty irrelevant for me at the moment since it’s rare that things get much further than the text messaging stage with the guys I meet these days.  But I figure I’ll get back into the swing of dating eventually and I need to know the rules of engagement when I do.

****This of course doesn’t always stop me from giving my opinions. (I do have a policy against giving actual advice though to avoid bearing the burden of guilt when things go wrong. Giving opinions is a much less guilt ridden alternative when you want to impose your will into the affairs of other peoples lives)


3 Responses to “The dating minefield part I…Who should pay”

  1. It’s hard for a man to always pay when he’s just dating around and not in a relationship. Blowing money on bunk women that aren’t feeling you adds up even when you’re ballin’ like Steve Harvey is. Maybe if there was just more going dutch…or less dates that cost money.

  2. Nice post. I like your writing style and your thoughts are interesting. I found this post because I just wrote a post on the same topic:

  3. I feel it’s okay to split the costs. It’s nice when a women treats a brotha once in a while, but it has been very difficult for me to accept that. It’s much easier for me to want to pay then to accept the woman paying.

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